I find myself wondering where do all of the broken hearts go? I have really come to enjoy reading the blogs of the people I follow. I have learned a great deal about affairs and the struggle with rebuilding a marriage after them. JR has been supportive of my reading and writing, though he doesn’t pry into the details very much. Recently we discussed that so many of the women I read about have a lot in common. I can find blogs from women that are in a very recent recovery period. I can find blogs about people who are a couple of years into recovery. What I can’t find though, are blogs from people who are 4 years into recovery or 5 years into recovery.
So where are these people? I told JR that there were 2 possibilities here. 1. These people moved on from their marriages and no longer need to write or 2. These people healed their marriages and no longer need to write.
Either way, I guess at some point we will all find that we no longer need to write about our recovery from an affair. I don’t see myself writing about my husband’s affair forever. That gives me hope for the future. I hope that I will be in the second group and heal my marriage and no longer feel the need to share my ups and downs of recovery, because let’s face it after the recovery period all that remains is recovered. That’s what I want…recovered. I want to one day be able to sit down with my laptop and title a blog “Recovered”. I want to make that the very last post that I will ever right about this part of my life. I want to one day have my thoughts consumed by something other than the lying, deceit and cheating that went on in my life. I want to focus on doing things I love with people that I love. I want happiness, peace, joy and love.
I want each of my readers, and those I read about, to know that I am so grateful to have found you. I needed something to make me feel like I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t crazy, that I wasn’t weak, or stupid. I needed support that I couldn’t find with the people that I know face to face. I needed a place free of being judged, a place where I would get called on my bullshit (thanks, DJ), a place were I could rant and rave, I could cuss and complain and everyone understood why. I needed a place to cry. I needed to share my story.
I know that I am still in recovery, I know that I have a lot of work to do still, but I know that one day I will be recovered. I hope that slowly we all start to fade out of this blogging world as we go from recovery to recovered. This is my wish for every single one of us, the betrayed and the betrayers.