The Crazy Months Leading Up To DDay…

 

September was an odd month. It was the month that we would celebrate our 22 wedding anniversary. I still felt very secure in our relationship. I knew my husband was experiencing some unhappiness, but didn’t think it was anything serious. I was on some personal high, I had recently lost a serious amount of weight, I was on top of things work wise, I had started doing more things with friends and was enjoying a little bit of freedom. Our son was playing football, which my husband was coaching. My very good friend Tammy and I would meet at the track and walk during football practice. During this time my husband was still talking about Nikki to me here and there, still I didn’t think there was anything going on. One evening we were at our nephew’s soccer game and JR was all over me, I remember his mom calling us “love birds”, saying we acted like a couple of newlyweds. This became the norm for JR. Later he tells me that it was the guilt eating at him, he felt like  he was trying to make up to me all of the bad things he was doing when he was with her. He was very touchy feely, but his heart and mind were not in it. JR did chain gang on Friday nights at the high school where he coached the JV basketball team. Our anniversary fell on a Friday night. Normally he would have found a replacement that night and we would have gone to dinner. We had planned a trip to the beach and were leaving right after our son’s football game Saturday morning so my feelings weren’t hurt by him going to the game. He also called me that Friday morning and asked me could I meet him at 12pm, he had a surprise for me. He had set up for us to have a couple massage that afternoon. That’s all we did together that day. When it was done he took me back to my car and we went our separate ways. Why didn’t this bother me? Later checking phone records I know that he called her right before I met him, and right after I left him. He checked in with her all the time.  On our trip I started reading Eat, Pray, Love…a really great read. I remember us sitting on the beach and I was reading and I just started crying, I think that was the moment that I realized something was changing between us. We made love twice that weekend, I remember feeling like he just wasn’t there. Phone records showed that he called her one of those nights while I was in the shower.

 

October was when things started getting really nuts. JR and I had always made jokes about his girlfriend/my boyfriend..etc. When he would be late I would say things like, what did you do stop at your girlfriend’s house. It was always in good fun, certainly never thought it was real.  My sister had just had my niece and our mother had come to visit. I had my son with me and we were meeting my mom and sister at the park. JR had taken some of his bball players and had gone about an hour away to hear a coach speak. I was in a playful mood and sent him a text saying I was going to drop off my son and I would meet him in an hour…shhh don’t tell my husband. He played back at first so I did too. Then out of nowhere I get a call with him freaking out saying who the fuck is he? What, are you crazy? He swore I was cheating and lying to him. (His guilty conscience kicking in). He didn’t speak to me for 2 days and that night he slept upstairs. I went up crying, begging him to come to bed, There was no other man, I was joking with him. I had never seen him so cold and hard. He wouldn’t even look at me. The next day I met him at a restaurant and we talked, he was still being cold, wouldn’t touch me, look at me, nothing. I remember him saying, “how would you like it if I went and called Nikki?” I said I wouldn’t like it at all. I showed him my phone and how it was almost impossible to miss text someone. Still he was cold. That night after his ball practice he came in our room, I was in the bed crying. He came and set next to me, and this is where it got really weird. He put his hand around my throat and shook me saying,” swear to me there isn’t anyone else, swear it.” JR had never touched me like this in 22 years, never, not even once. I remember feeling shock, but I wasn’t afraid.  Later that week he came home and asked me if I went anywhere while they were at practice, I hadn’t but he had rigged my car with a leaf or something and it had moved so he thought I was lying. Another day he called me and asked me where I was, I was out shopping and I told him what store I was at…a few minutes later he walked around the corner…he had been following me. This was just nuts! October was the month that JR and Nikki tried to plan their over night getaway. JR approached me around the 5th and asked could he go to a Panthers game with a friend that I had met a couple of times. He said that there were a bunch of guys going and he wanted to go on a Saturday and spend the night, the game was on Sunday. Hell no, I said I would go and shop during the game. He said, well we are staying at his parents house, can’t take any extras…my suggestion, well we will get a room then. You are not going and staying the night there without me. Later he tells me how pissed Nikki was. So he decides to go just for the game, though I begged him not to, he left at 5:30 that morning, left me laying in bed crying and walked right out the door to meet his whore. They had planned a trip to Myrtle Beach and he wanted it badly. I remember that in the early days after Dday he said something like, I never left yall on a weekend to spend time with her, it was only during the week when Chance was at school and you were at work…FUCKING LIAR. Another red flag was his cell phone. During this time he had started charging his phone under his night stand, he had always left it next to his head on the night stand. I asked him about this and he said the light bothered him. What was really going on is that Nikki was getting possessive and would call/text when she knew he was with me. We had a huge fight at another soccer game because he was texting someone and when I asked who he said some guy friend, I tried to grab his phone and he jerked it away and got up and went to the concession stand. Strangely all of his texts were erased when he got back. Later he told me they were really arguing that night and she wouldn’t leave him alone. Another time we were in the car and he was texting and he told me it was Keith a friend, so I said let me see and tried to grab it, he almost wrecked the car and quickly managed to erase the texts before I got it. NUTS! Later that month he started leaving his phone in his truck over night to charge, and I noticed that he always lingered outside after we got home, sometimes I would go inside and then end up back out looking for him. Later Nikki told me that he would always text her goodnight when we got home, so that’s why he lingered. Towards the end of October I took my 2 daughters on a trip to NYC. JR had hurt his back and was barely able to move, normally this man would have died to take me to the airport, this day he didn’t even get out of the bed to tell me goodbye. I drove myself the 1.5 hours to the airport. I found out later that he met her and spent the afternoon fucking her. He was too hurt to take me to the airport, to even get up and tell me goodbye, but he was fine for fucking. Bastard, hate him for that. He harassed me the whole time I was gone, drove my daughters crazy. Every time he called it was 50 questions, then followed by, what you don’t have time to talk to me. The day I came home he was dying to see me. He kept texting me while I was driving asking, where is my girl? I arrived home and tried calling him, he wouldn’t answer. Then out of no where he shows up. Comes inside and throws me in the bed. We make love and this is when I ignored the biggest red flag. During sex he says in an almost whisper,” It’s always so good with you”. I remember thinking as opposed to what, being bad with someone else? Later he laughed it off, denied saying it, then said I just meant it’s so good with you, between us, you know.

 

November was more of the same. This is the month that Nikki sprung the “I love you” on my husband so he says he had no choice but to say it back to her. I hate him for that. She also asked the “do you want more children?“ question, to which he replied, “No, No, Hell No, I have 3 children and Anita and I don’t plan on having anymore.“ He says that she ignored him for the rest of that day. The most serious thing that happened that month was my getting sick, very sick. My nephew had contracted MRSA when he had tubes put in his ears early that year and JR had gotten it in late July. Early November I got it in my nose. I remember it hurting so bad I almost passed out, I couldn’t sleep due to the pain. I went to the urgent care where a PA diagnosed me and sent me home with a cream to put on it. That night I was crying all night it hurt so bad. The next morning I was running fever and my face had started to swell. I begged JR to call the doctor and ask him to please give me some meds, I felt like I was dying. Around 10am JR calls and says the DR. said to get me in there right away. We head in, I was so sick, could barely walk. JR was texting again, and I asked who..again a friend. He goes to the restroom and magically all texts erased. When I get in the back the doctor takes one look at me and says you are very sick, this is serious. You have MRSA in your soft tissue in your nasal passage. I ask him how serious is it, JR says nothing, the DR. says if this moves into your sinuses it could move to your brain and kill you….what? This crap could kill me? Still nothing from JR. The Dr. says we have to treat this very aggressively. He told me that had I gone to the ER they would have admitted me immediately. He tells me that isn’t necessary, he can do the same treatment in his office. So for the next 5 days I have to go in and get IV antibiotics along with oral ones. At the worst part of this I was on 10 different meds. It was awful. JR was unaffected. Later he tells me that Nikki got MRSA on her nose and he told her she better go to the doctor…Fucker. He was worried about her. November progresses on, one time he showed up at the mall and gave me some cash, just because, later just because ended up being because he had bought her a gift and felt guilty. He was constantly asking for my phone to check my texts, etc. Things were just very weird. I would talk to my friend while we walked and I told her I thought he had to be sleeping with Nikki, no way would he give this girl so much attention if he wasn’t getting something in return. She always assured me she didn’t think so. She talked about how we had the “it” that all couples want. She said she saw the way he looked at me when I wasn’t looking, she knew he loved me and was in love with me. I now know affairs have nothing to do with the love you have for your spouse, he loved me the whole time.

 

Thanksgiving rolls around and things have been tense. We were not speaking to each other, we spent a lot of time fussing about this or that. The strange thing is that the sex never stopped. It had become almost robotic though. It was a get yours, get mine kind of thing. Then I would go watch TV till the wee hours of the morning and he would go to sleep. He slept a lot…the guilt and the depression were getting him. That is part of the months leading up to Dday. I could write a book about all of the incidents that took place during these months, but these just happen to be some of the stories that stand out in my head today. I want to try and get to my story about Dday as soon as I can manage. All of these events took place right  at the peak of holiday season so this can be a very stressing time of year for me, brings up a lot of old garbage, so to speak. The triggers are all around me.

 

As I was writing this I got a text from JR “ I love my girl!!!!!!!” this is my husband, the man I adore and love. The man you just read about was someone else, I think my JR was abducted by aliens or something for a bit. The man that Nikki had, was NOT my husband, I am grateful for that.

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3 Responses to The Crazy Months Leading Up To DDay…

  1. Love this post and will comment more on it but I gotta clean for Thanksgiving now.

    What I say about my husbands whores is; they got the worst part of an otherwise good man.

    All this pain is a bitch.

  2. The parallels between what happened to each of us is uncanny. When my husband told me last year on black Friday that he’d had an affair, I was battling an impetigo infection on my face, my daughter and I both had used sample bar makeup at the spa and gotten the infection. When I went to the dr and told him I’d used makeup that’s open to the public he looked at me like I had three heads. He asked what spa, when I told him he went pale and “said that’s where my wife goes”. Lol..

    I was on antibotics for 20 days they made me feel like a zombie and destroyed my stomach. I’m still pissed that my husband ruined my favorite holiday and told me when I was sick. Just yesterday I said to my husband, ” why did you have to fuck everything up, why couldn’t you have told me on Halloween or not on a holiday?” Really the question is, why did you do it at all?

    I’m having a hard time today. We had sex this morning, I just could not get into it. Thoughts of him telling me last year swam through my mind and then thoughts of him with the OW. Sometimes I just want to escape this hell. Sometime it does not feel with it. I want to know what the reward is going to be for me sticking in this. It’s not like a game at a carnival where I can see my prize just behind the booth. This all on blind faith. What makes a person worth this hell?

    I need a tranquilizer to get through the next few days. Anyone have a dart gun!

    • kayboo24 says:

      I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I too wonder if the pain I endure is worth what I gain? Sometimes I’m not even sure what I gain…anything? Seems to me that he is the one who gains the most, I still mostly feel loss…how long will this go on? I hate this time of the year now. I wonder if that will ever change. I used to LOVE it. Nothing seems to feel good anymore.

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