The week of Thanksgiving my suspicions were in full force and I knew something must be going on with JR and Nikki. I also knew that somehow his phone would play a role in all of this because of how possessive he had become about it, he never had been in the past. I asked JR to create an online account so I could go in and see his phone records, he said he would. We make it through Thanksgiving weekend and I was at work Monday evening and he had gone to practice. I decided I would look at the records, my sister had obtained Nikki’s phone number for me so I knew what I was looking for. I called JR and asked him what his username and password were, half expecting him to say he hadn’t done it yet. To my surprise he had done it, and said quickly, “You’re not going to look at that now are you?” I said yes I was and he reluctantly gave me the info. I found out later that as soon as we hung up he called Nikki to tell her to be prepared. He had set up the account and had logged on himself days earlier so he knew what I would find. He was on high alert. They both decided to stick to the lie that they were just friends…period.
So I log on to his account and I perform a search with her number, this would only show me outgoing calls. I was stunned, in shock, I was shaking from head to toe, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t cry. I saw call after call, after call. The first one, the first time he ever dialed her cell phone he talked to her for 97 minutes straight. 97 fucking minutes, how dare he. More digging revealed that after they got physical she would block her number and it showed as an unknown number…well most people don’t spend over an hour talking to someone they don’t know. So after I figured it all out I saw that they spoke everyday for hours and when there were breaks in those phone calls (and there were a lot) it was because they were together. Then I checked his text messages, he averaged around 1500 a month, during the peak month of their affair he had over 5000, it makes me sick to my stomach even now. One day I found 19 calls from her that he had not answered. She would hang up and call back, hang up call back. (He says they fought a lot and this supports that information.) I call him at practice and tell him I know about the calls, I don’t want to hear any excuses or explanations, just come to the house and get your shit and GET THE FUCK OUT, I HATE YOU.
He calls her again and tells her to be prepared, he warns her because he knows me and he knows I will contact her, which I do. I decided to send her a message on FB. She responds by being very nice and willing to answer any questions…lying whore. She tells me that they are just really good friends, like best friends. FUCK HER, how dare her call my husband her best friend. That something just clicked between them, that he was so easy to talk to. They weren’t physical, just a hug hello and goodbye. LIAR. She knew that it was wrong to have a friendship with a married man, blah, blah, blah. I asked did her husband know, of course he did not and she went into panic mode on how to keep him in the dark. During one conversation she made her husband out to be some badass and said she didn’t know what he would do if he found out that he might come after JR, I said good, just tell him not to touch him if my son is there or I would have his ass locked up. So the back and forths start and I make JR promise that he will not talk to her anymore, he says he wont. She tells me that she really didn’t see anything wrong with what they were doing and swears she wont contact him anymore, in return I say I wont tell her husband who I had looked up on FB.
JR has gone to stay at his mom’s during this time. I continue to check his phone records, there are still phone calls, but very few, they had gone to texting mostly. They do not see each other during this time. They are scrambling to figure out how to contain this mess they found themselves in. They were both stupid enough to actually believe that they wouldn’t get caught.
It is now Thursday and I can’t take anymore, JR and I have barely seen each other, we have barely spoken. I knew that they had to be fucking but they both hold tight to the lie that they had not. I decide to go visit my daughter who is in her senior year at UNC Chapel Hill and about 3 weeks away from graduating. I just needed to be somewhere where I could think clearly. I continue to go back and forth with Nikki trying to pull information out of her.
I couldn’t wrap my brain around this being the truth of my life. One day my daughter and I had decided to go to lunch, it had started snowing. When she turned on her windshield wipers I was stunned, They were in such bad shape I couldn’t see out of the windshield. I asked her why were they so bad, she said she had told her dad about it but he didn’t do anything. I told her to drive straight to and Advance Auto and we had new wipers put on. I was furious, she knew what was happening with her dad and I. She sat in that car and looked at me and said, you know he quit taking care of me too, he never gives me gas money when I come home anymore, he never calls me anymore, he doesn’t answer the phone when I call. I told her I was so sorry and we sat there and cried together. He had always been good about calling her just to see how she was and if she needed anything. ( He has admitted that he would ignore phone calls from the kids when he was with Nikki, I hate him for that). At this point I still clung to the hope that maybe, just maybe, they were being honest, that they were not fucking, deep down I knew that wasn’t possible. I stayed there for 4 nights and decided to return home on Monday.
Things get a little blurred for me here, I was consuming large amounts of wine daily and completely numb. I went into detective overdrive mode. JR had made us an appointment with a counselor to try and help. When we had our first appt. I was nuts, I wouldn’t speak to him…I had a list of phone numbers that he had spent long amounts of time talking to and I wanted answers as to who they were. The counselor asked why we were there and his response was, “ we are here because of my infidelity” he was referring to his past brief affair. They had sex twice. He was so anxious, so unnerved. I whip out my phone numbers and accuse him of all kinds of things. He is so distraught he cant tell me who they are. The therapist suggests he call them on speaker phone, which he does. Two were friends, both that I knew and liked very much, 1 was a restaurant that he did work for, and the fourth was her…I can’t believe that I didn’t realize it was her number, that’s how out of it I was in that session. Its been 2 years and I still know her number by heart. He looks sick when he hears her voicemail pick up, he disconnects the call. Later we decide to go to Olive Garden for lunch to try and wash away the therapy session. He goes to the bathroom and leaves his phone on the table with me, it rings…unknown number, I answer, they hang up. It was her. Later I message the whore on FB and tell her that it was me who dialed her number and that it was me who answered later when she called, that she had sworn to me that she wouldn’t contact my husband anymore and that now I knew what a lying whore she was, that I would stop at nothing to make sure that her husband found out about her and JR. So the next day she ignored me on FB and then she blocked me…bad idea on her part. More about that later. She has still told her husband nothing about any of this, but she is completely freaking out.
My best friend Tammi has invited me and JR to go to her company Christmas party. They have rented out one of the local clubs and it should be a great time, this is on Dec. 10th. I am looking forward to it, and JR really wanted to go with me. We have fought off and on a lot for the past week or so, we have had 2 therapy sessions, whatever, they never help if the truth isn’t being told. The night of the 9th we end up fighting about something major, I think it was another phone call to her or something. I tell him to leave again, I don’t want him staying with me. I tell him he is no longer invited to the party. He hates this because he thinks there is a man that will be there that is interested in me and vice versa. This is completely untrue, I just wanted him to think this because I was hurting so badly. Later I find out that Nikki was coming unglued, she was desperate to keep her husband from finding out. She was threatening to tell me everything if JR didn’t control me. She said if she went down he would go with her. She ended up calling him around midnight that night begging him to meet her, which he did at their hotel. He swears he was so upset that they didn’t fuck that night, he says he tried but couldn’t stay hard. He says she cried and yelled something like why don’t you go home to your fucking wife, you don’t want me anymore. He tries to reassure her that its just the stress getting to him…fucker. She was livid that he couldn’t fuck her. They ended up not speaking to each other the rest of the night, they both just laid in the bed, he says he barely slept. She gets up early and leaves without saying more than 2 words to him. I asked him later why he would do that, why would he risk staying the night with her when I was finding out so much. He says he knew she was about to cave and he knew the only way to control her was to giver her what she wanted which was him in the bedroom. Sick fucking mind games. I hate knowing that he laid in that bed with her that night, it was the only time they were together at night and it makes me fucking sick to my stomach.
Next we arrive at D-day, I need a break from the writing. This brings up so many memories for me and a lot of emotion. It exhausts me, but I want to get this out and done. I may try to finish later tonight after JR goes to bed, we will see. For now the wine flows, numbing my soul…