So it all began 40 years ago today…my journey. As a sat upstairs last night with my daughter catching up on some DVRed shows, my husband, who had gone to bed earlier, comes walking upstairs half asleep. I thought he was coming to retrieve me like he sometimes does when our girls are home and he goes to bed without me. Instead he walks over to me bends down kisses me and says Happy Birthday, I wanted to be the first to tell you. When he had gone to bed he had set his alarm clock to wake him at 11:59pm to come up and tell me happy birthday…this is why I love him so. When JR is good, he is really good. I know he has a wonderful day planned for me as I have strict instructions to be ready to leave the house at 10am.
As anyone reading this knows JR turning 40 was quite different than my birthday will be. I have no intention of going out to start a torrid affair with a man 13 years younger than I. I’m not sure why so many men seem to struggle with turning 40, but it seems common. I think for JR he had envisioned this life he was supposed to have at 40 and when it wasn’t the way he imagined it would be, he felt defeated. To help himself feel better he set his sights on a mission if you will, to get this young attractive girl to fall for him, and he did.
I on the other hand have no expectations of myself at 40. Is my life the way I envisioned it today, no, absolutely not, mostly because of the curve ball that JR threw me 2 years ago. I always had ideas of how life would be at 40. I knew certain things would be certain ways, and I would feel settled into my life and world. All of that has changed now. The one thing I know that I will miss and wish I had today, the thing I should and would have had, is a quite confidence in myself. I wanted to welcome 40 with confidence that I knew who I was, that I had earned experience in life, that I would trust myself and all of the knowledge that I had gained in my 40 years on this earth. Instead I have an uncertainty that I live with. I know that there are no guarantees in life. The only person I can control is myself. The only person you can ever truly trust is yourself. I know that a day will come when I will trust JR again without question…or will I? I want to, but I don’t know yet, we will see. The thing I do know is that there will always be this whisper in my mind to be careful
So it doesn’t look like I will be having a mid life crisis this year, but there is something I will do. I have decided in my rebellion on aging I am going to take back some of my youth with nail polish. Oh yes, I am. I am going to wear glitter nail polish proudly for the next year. I will wear pinks and blues, some mint greens. I have black and white, purples and bright red, and I plan on wearing them all with a topcoat of glitter to boot!
Don’t even get me started on the glitter, wow, I love them. There are so many colors to choose from it’s mind boggling. Last week to kick things off, my daughter and I went to the store to buy some polish. We walked out an hour and a half later with 20 different colored nails and $50 worth of nail polish. It’s amazing what a cute polish can do for you…. so ladies go out and get you some glitter!!! I will be sporting cotton candy pink nails and toes with a lovely iridescent glitter topcoat today…I call them my birthday party nails! Time to get up and get my party hat on…oh yea!