Advice Please

So I have noticed many bloggers refer to the book”How to help your spouse heal from your affair”. I read many books after DDay, however this was not one of them. JR attempted to read a couple of books, never finishing either of them. He simply doesn’t like to read. Anyway, with all of the talk about this book I have considered purchasing it for us to read together. Thing is, I feel like it could be a tad bit foolish so far into our recovery. It’s been over 2 years since DDay. As many of you know, if you follow my blog, I still struggle with many issues about his affair and my broken heart. Things have gotten better but sometimes I just feel stuck and I know JR feels clueless about how to help me. So I would like advice from anyone who has read this book as to whether you think it would benefit us at such a late point in our recovery. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks!

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8 Responses to Advice Please

  1. blogventer says:

    I am (as you know) currently reading this book. I will post about it when I finish. I’m currently on Chap 8. As I am reading, I am (literally) howling with tears, nodding my head, because the book illustrates EXACTLY how I feel. It validates my own actions/reactions/feelings, post D-day. I am reading it to help me heal myself. Unfortunately, H isn’t reading it (and if he did, I don’t know that he’d start behaving in the correct way, anyway). But if you want JR to understand what you went through — and are still going through — and if he truly wants to know how to help you heal / continue to heal, then I recommend this book.

  2. Samantha Baker says:

    I got it 17 months after DDay1 and 5 months after DDay#2. It didn’t matter how long it had been.

    It’s a concise book, easy read. But boy did it really open his eyes a LOT. He read it in one evening. By far this is the best book that HE has read in regards to how to help me after all his affair shit.

    Just because JR has stopped his affair 2 years ago, did the lying stop then? The rug sweeping, etc.? Obviously YOU are still hurting so tell him it is important for YOU that he read it. And it does spell out HOW to help us in many ways.

    This book validated everything I’d been feeling and telling him myself. (He read it first, I read it second). Definitely get it. It can’t hurt but could help immensly.

  3. Teresa says:

    I think as long as you are still willing to pursue things to help you heal and help him help you heal, it can only be positive. It can only help. It doesn’t matter how far out you are – we all heal at our own rate and clearly the actions of our spouses help decide how long it will take. So if you are still feeling like knowledge can be gained from something others have recommended – use it for your own healing. I feel like I will be taking advice for a long time regarding this issue. And those who have walked in our shoes are the only people who can give it honestly, with experience backing them up. One thing works for one couple, another works for the other couple – you don’t know until you work it all into your healing. Make sure you post about how it helped you 🙂

  4. Still Loving Him says:

    I agree it’s never to late to read the book. My husband read it almost a year after our first D-day, it opened his eyes tremendously. They way he treated me after he read the book proved that he’d finally read something that opened his eyes. He finally got it, it hit home. I don’t know if it’s a read together book. I’d have him read it on his own, maybe you could get a book on healing or forgiveness and read it along side him while he reads his book.

  5. I am sitting next to my husband (who is actually re-reading the book as I type), so i asked him what he thinks. And he said, yes, the book touches on just about everything for the wayward spouse. He doesn’t know that it will help you as much. He actually opened the book up because I broke down in tears an hour ago and told him everywhere I go are reminders of his affair and I can’t escape it. Fear…. Pain…. Broken-hearted… It’s all in there for them.

  6. Paula says:

    Most concise and aimed-at-the-cheater-as-healer book I found out there. We read it late, too. Probably around two years? I have tried to avoid reading everything under the sun, as I found it kept me going over and over and over stuff, trapping me in the misery, so limited my reading of books, at least, to less than half a dozen or so – and a couple I felt were not very helpful! Is the only complete book on affairs/recovery my partner read – he recommends it as being to the point and accurate about how to help BOTH of you. (I like how, as with many men, he doesn’t “do” the self help stuff – so this was short enough to keep his attention!) Best of luck, recovery is hard, even with a willing partner! But the upside if they do help you, is the incredibly deep connection you can gain/regain, and they will wonder why they didn’t want that in the first place, lol!

  7. I haven’t heard of this, but I’m getting it today.

  8. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    Marie & Lee read it separately & together, and loved it! (Her 1/25, 1/26, 2/7 & 2/13 posts)

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