From Recovering To Recovered…

I find myself wondering where do all of the broken hearts go? I have really come to enjoy reading the blogs of the people I follow. I have learned a great deal about affairs and the struggle with rebuilding a marriage after them. JR has been supportive of my reading and writing, though he doesn’t pry into the details very much. Recently we discussed that so many of the women I read about have a lot in common. I can find blogs from women that are in a very recent recovery period. I can find blogs about people who are a couple of years into recovery. What I can’t find though, are blogs from people who are 4 years into recovery or 5 years into recovery.

So where are these people? I told JR that there were 2 possibilities here. 1. These people moved on from their marriages and no longer need to write or 2. These people healed their marriages and no longer need to write.

Either way, I guess at some point we will all find that we no longer need to write about our recovery from an affair. I don’t see myself writing about my husband’s affair forever. That gives me hope for the future. I hope that I will be in the second group and heal my marriage and no longer feel the need to share my ups and downs of recovery, because let’s face it after the recovery period all that remains is recovered. That’s what I want…recovered. I want to one day be able to sit down with my laptop and title a blog “Recovered”. I want to make that the very last post that I will ever right about this part of my life. I want to one day have my thoughts consumed by something other than the lying, deceit and cheating that went on in my life. I want to focus on doing things I love with people that I love. I want happiness, peace, joy and love.

I want each of my readers, and those I read about, to know that I am so grateful to have found you. I needed something to make me feel like I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t crazy, that I wasn’t weak, or stupid. I needed support that I couldn’t find with the people that I know face to face. I needed a place free of being judged, a place where I would get called on my bullshit (thanks, DJ), a place were I could rant and rave, I could cuss and complain and everyone understood why. I needed a place to cry. I needed to share my story.

I know that I am still in recovery, I know that I have a lot of work to do still, but I know that one day I will be recovered. I hope that slowly we all start to fade out of this blogging world as we go from recovery to recovered. This is my wish for every single one of us, the betrayed and the betrayers.

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29 Responses to From Recovering To Recovered…

  1. blogventer says:

    Oh, Kayboo, my heart is breaking for you! I can feel the torment you are in, it just leaps from your words on this page. And I know how destabilizing this loss of trust is. I hope you can find peace, find yourself again, find your happiness. (Well, I hope that for both of us.) Hugs!

  2. blogventer says:

    (Okay, how weird is this? I read a post you wrote called “Breaking Down Walls” –> it showed up in my WP Reader as having been posted just before “Breaking Through Boundaries,” and my above comment went along with the Breaking Down Walls post. Then, I clicked on THIS post, and my comment somehow was here! Okay, though I like your writing and empathize with your pain, my above-expressed sentiments do not exactly apply for this post. Weird, right?)

    • kayboo24 says:

      I noticed something was off with WP. I had written 3 posts but it only showed 2 and it keeps reposting them. Very strange. I also noticed others posts were reposting…guess there’s a glitche somewhere today…lol.

  3. I often wonder how long I will continue to write myself but I do continue as a timeline for the book I am writing. I do plan to move to the recovered side but I know in my heart that we will as a couple be called in our faith to help other pastors, leaders and anyone who has had an affair and needs healing. His affair was very public and since we can’t hide from it, we can use it to help others. I don’t know what this looks like but I trust my gut. All our past experiences become an avenue for us to comfort people with the comfort we have received. http://www.beyondaffairs.com/About_Us/about_beyond_affairs_network.htm Anne and Brian Bercht are a great example of a couple who has made it! I hated the Title of her book until I read it and realized what she was saying. Blogging and reading blogs have helped me see I was normal in what I was going through. I also read some great books recommended by bloggers and we are applying them to our lives. I hope that I have help in some small way with others who are suffering….paying it forward. And if I’m blogging a year from now I hope it’s about how to have a great marriage 🙂 I pray you see the desires of your heart as you move forward! Blessings and hugs!!!

    • kayboo24 says:

      You can be inspiration to others. JR and I have some very good friends who have a wonderful marriage. When the affair came out they shared with us that they too had gone through the mess of infidelity. I was so grateful to have them both in our corner. They were definite friends of the marriage. Having her to talk to helped me in so many ways. She also helped to keep me out of trouble in those first very painful weeks. I wanted revenge and she was my voice of reason. I thank God for them and their friendship.

  4. hiddinsight says:

    Awwww…I love this. It’s a bond we all share, and will eventually give away because we will be better. I’m imagining a bouquet of brightly colored helium balloons, and one by one they find freedom to let go…I would love to still be blogging in five years but hopefully about different things 🙂

    • Since I am a professional writer, I write. But since discovering Bug’s affair, all I seem to be able to handle writing are blog posts – I lack the concentration to do a full length book.

      I so look forward to when I can and want to write about things other than my effed up life. Right now, I feel stuck in blogger land, but at least I’m surrounded by supportive people.

      • hiddinsight says:

        And at least you are practising your trade. Never a bad thing. Allow yourself the time you need to heal. You are really hard on yourself from what I can see for not recovering fast enough. What if you removed that pressure off yourself and just let out your screams for as long as they take. Please keep writing.

      • kayboo24 says:

        Keep writing. I believe that we will all be healed eventually. I wonder how that will feel? I wonder if we will even notice…how do you recognize that you are healed? I guess it will be different for each of us. Maybe one day we will all blog about that.

    • kayboo24 says:

      I agree….I love blogging, but I am so ready to want to blog about something else. I’m just ready for my life to be front and center instead of this damn affair. Letting go of balloons…I like that.

  5. Still Loving Him says:

    I also got an e-mail with your other blog post and when I clicked on it it brought me to this post instead. I agree I’m so glad you are all here, I honestly don’t know what I would do without my online support group. I was so lost and confused when I first started blogging, when I found out I was not alone it was like a little of the burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Kayboo what was the nickname you gave our group, Glitter girls… Something like that. I took my pink glitter polish on vacation but never found the time to do my toes, but every time I riffled through my bag and saw it I thought about you all.

    • kayboo24 says:

      Love my Glitter Girls! I too carried glitter polish with me. I actually managed to find time to use mine. I am currently sporting lovely red with glitter and pink hearts. They were my LOVE nails. Time for something new…not sure what I want this time. Easter ones perhaps, or maybe shamrocks.

  6. 🙂 Right before I read your post I had a similar thought. I was thinking about my blog reader roll and wondering what if all of you became lost amoung other blog posts… You, Glitter Girls, were the first ones to find me in the WP world and I am so thankful. I talk about each of you with my husband like we all get together over coffee every day. In a way we do.

    Cheers to all of us someday writing “Recovered”… and I can imagine each of our smiles as our fingers touch the keys typing.

    • kayboo24 says:

      I do the same thing when I talk to JR. I call each of you “my friend”. I feel like if we did get together for coffee we could spend days sharing our stories. Maybe we should do that one day…plan a trip for the Glitter Girls.

      • I had this idea they should make a movie about all of us… and our stories and how WordPress is where we go to connect. Almost like a Valentine’s Day or New Year’s Eve movie. Now to decide who should play me in the movie?

  7. Goddess says:

    I seriously don’t know how I would’ve coped these last few months without this community. I started reading long before I started writing. It’s amazing to feel the ups and downs with each other. Although, I don’t really fit in because I can’t prove there was a physical affair since we’ve been married. It’s still nice to have the encouragement and support of you all.

  8. I feel your sense of hope, and I long for the same things: “I want to one day have my thoughts consumed by something other than the lying, deceit and cheating that went on in my life. I want to focus on doing things I love with people that I love. I want happiness, peace, joy and love.” I hope we both have that day soon.

  9. kayboo24 says:

    Your blogging name says a lot about your hope. “learning2trustagain” Hang on to that. We will have that day, we all will. We all just have to hang on.

  10. Still Loving Him says:

    How wonderful would it be if we could all plan a girls weekend at some point. From the blogs I’m guessing that a few of us live on the east coast or thereabouts. A glitter girls vacation!!! God knows we could all use it!

  11. Still Loving Him says:

    I just told my husband about my comment about us all getting together. He said “would you all bring your shitty husbands so you could keep an eye on them!” lol.. Might not be a bad idea!

  12. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    KB, I truly admire you! I responded to an AP who wrote a comment to you a/b JR (Disaster beckons [Bad Husband blog])

  13. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    I’ve recommended your blog, most recently to betrayedin2012. You & other BWs (& REPENTANT WHs [like JR]) are my HEROES!

  14. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    The blogs I recommend most are RMM, SLH, KB24, DJ, Huperecho, FE, whyhaveanaffair, & others. I love a “fighting spirit”!

  15. Kayboo, you’ve been nominated…by yours truly! Love your blog! And, as the other woman in my relationship, your posts have made me feel sympathy for her. Thank you for reminding me about my lover’s primary relationship.

    http://notguiltybyreasonofmenopause.wordpress.com/im-honored/

  16. Mara says:

    We will absolutely recover one day!! I’ve read a lot of books about affairs/infidelity, but have now entered the world of blogs about it, I guess 😀
    So happy to have found you! I need the support that I can’t find in books. Thanks for writing!

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