I think many BS start their lives up in Safe Mode after Dday. I know I did. In fact after reading this I know that it is a state that I continue to live my life in. It’s hard to figure out how to operate your life in a different mode from the one that you had grown comfortable with over 22 years of marriage. I haven’t let my guard down yet and I know it. I don’t even remember how to do that anymore…function without constantly waiting for the next bomb to drop. I don’t yet trust JR fully. I don’t yet trust that he will protect my heart from pain. I don’t yet trust that he will think of me before thinking of himself. I don’t yet trust that he will never again act in such a selfish way. I don’t yet trust that he will never hurt me again to the point of me wanting to end my own life. I simply don’t yet trust anything therefore I live my life in Safe Mode. It’s all I know anymore. JR does all he can, I see this daily in our life together, but will it ever be enough for me to make the switch to being fully operational in my life. When and how so you know that your heart is ready to jump in with both feet and abandon caution? I sometimes envy those who decided to end the marriage and have found another to build a life with. I realize that they too probably have a hard time with trusting someone with their heart again, but I also know that sometimes it seems impossible for the rest of us who stayed with our cheating spouse. How do you hand back your heart to the very person who stomped it into the ground, smashing it into little pieces, leaving it unrecognizable? The very ones who sent you into life in Safe Mode. It would be nice if somewhere there were the exact answers, an instruction manual. Something that said if you do A, B, and C, you can put your happy self back together again and feel whole. Unfortunately there is not and the instruction manual for how to pull our lives out of Safe Mode must be written by each and every one of us individually in our own time. I cling to hope that one day soon my heart and mind will agree that it’s time to return to a normal operating system.

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

Rebooting in safe mode.

Divorce is a major reboot of your life.  Control-Alt-Del of all that is familiar.  The process can vary, some may have time to save and safely exit their open files.  For others, applications are subdued with repeated clicks of the “force quit” button.  Divorce causes damage to the system, errors and gaps.  For most of us, we have to start our lives over again in safe mode.

According to Microsoft,

Safe mode is a troubleshooting option for Windows that starts your computer in a limited state. Only the basic files and drivers necessary to run Windows are started. The words “Safe Mode” appear in the corners of the display to identify which Windows mode you are using. If an existing problem does not reappear when you start in safe mode, you can eliminate the default settings and basic device drivers as possible causes.

After a…

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One Response to

  1. Mara says:

    You said: “I haven’t let my guard down yet and I know it. I don’t even remember how to do that anymore…function without constantly waiting for the next bomb to drop. I don’t yet trust JR fully. ”

    I’m totally there too. Not as bad as it has been, but somehow still waiting for the next bomb, which I know is not going to drop, but it doesn’t feel like it.

    Reading books & articles (I really appreciate Anne Bercht!) I know it will eventually go away, I believe it will, but it takes time and effort from both sides….

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