So I just finished reading the third book in the 50 Shades of Grey series. This is not normally the type of book I would read…I’m more of a Stephen King kind of girl, but I thought, what the hay. I had been feeling kinda blah about my labido, it’s just not up to par lately, so I thought maybe if these books were all they are said to be it could jolt my sex drive back into hyper gear. I really miss my “gotta have it all the time” attitude. What I gained from these books is not at all what I expected…it was way more than that.
So I read the first book and expect to have all kinds of things coming alive “down there” and I didn’t…nothing. No urges, no excitement. I did enjoy the story however, so I decided to go on to the second book. Still not much happening there. I liked where the second book left off and quickly headed on to the third book. I finished it last night. What I gained from reading these books are two insights into life and love. First, I realized that my own husband, my JR is in his own way 50 kinds of fucked up, also from his childhood. Ok, well maybe not quite 50, let’s say 15. Second, there must be a lot of women out there who are not in touch with their own sexuality, have a boring sex life, or are just doing it all wrong, if they got all hot and bothered by these books.
Let’s talk about the first thing, my own 15 shades of grey. What I gathered from this story is a man, a good man, who is deeply troubled, he is flawed. His flaws are part of what make Ana love him. She falls head over heals in love before she even realizes it. That love is deep and strong almost from the very beginning. This is the type of love I share with JR. I know about his flaws, I know his insecurities, as he does me. We challenge each other daily. I know that I could never leave him. I know that I would do anything for him. I know that he also shares all of these same feelings for me. His affair is just one of the 15 shades. It wasn’t done out of malice or hate, or spite. It was done because he was lost and I was not aware. He was scared to talk to me, and this comes from his childhood. He doesn’t communicate well with his parents or siblings. They have spent a lot of time over the years fighting and arguing with one another. They all think they should be the center of the universe or something. This came from his mother, she is very self-centered. They didn’t receive praise growing up, and now they just receive pity. They all seem to crave drama. JR is not quite as bad as his siblings with this one, I think that I have helped him with this one.
I know that I have a fucked up man, but he’s my fucked up man. To this day, when I don’t let my own emotions get in the way of rational thoughts, I have never felt unloved by him. He would give me anything I wanted that was in his power to give. He loves me just as unconditionally as I love him. We are a perfect match and I know that I will spend the rest of my life with him. We are meant to be together. I can honestly say that I do not fear JR having another affair. The thought actually sickens him now. He has changed all of his behaviors with women. He talks to me more now, even about the hard stuff. We have both learned a great deal about ourselves and each other because of his affair. I will not make those mistakes again in my marriage, and I know neither will he. I hope that one day soon he can forgive himself and this weight will lift from his heart. I will continue to love and support him until he gets there.
Now let’s talk about the second thing. I must say that I feel sorry for all of the women who just went nuts over these books because of the sex. I want to get excited about my own sex life and I do. So JR and I haven’t done all of the dirty deeds in 50 shades of grey, but we have done many of them and some that aren’t in the book. I am proud to say that after 25 years we still drive each other nuts and come up with new and exciting things to try in bed…and out! JR has always been an exceptional lover, he is very eager to please and attentive to my needs. We have toys, oils, videos, blind folds…etc. We don’t use them all the time sometimes we prefer vanilla sex too, but other times I want rockyroad with whipped cream, nuts and a cherry on top. It’s like this past week, Sunday night I got an itch for toys. That night I pulled out the toy box and we “played” for a bit. Then on Tuesday we came home from working all day and ended up in his office on the floor. We both laughed about how exhausted we were after. It was quick but super heated. It was good. Later that night while in the shower JR shampooed my hair and washed me. I thought, “hhmm…he doesn’t need to read a book to know how to treat me.”Then I remembered while we were in Florida what he did the night we got there. As we climbed in bed, I laid down and he moved to the end and grabbed my foot and started kissing it, then sucking on my toes, which I love. I asked him…”did you read part of my book”, he looked at me puzzled and said,”no, why?” So there you have it, my 15 shades and all of his glory. The man knows how to please me and I him. We don’t mind telling the other what we like, what we want to try. We are perfectly comfortable with each other in the bedroom (minus all of the affair crap, but that is subsiding).
It’s funny because I talk with my grown daughters about their sexuality and love life. I never wanted either of them to wait until marriage, or marry the first boy they slept with. That would be like only trying one flavor of icecream your whole life. Forgive me for saying but, I also didn’t want them stuck with a man with a small penis, and how would they know what to compare that to if they only had one. I want them to have great sex, safe of course, but great! I want them to have their needs, wants, and desires met in the bedroom. I honestly believe that most of the miserable women I know are miserable because they are sexually unsatisfied. Our joke around the house is…Don’t snoop through my pictures or dig in my dresser drawers unless you want to be ruined for life, because your Mom and Dad like to fly their freak flag on occasion!
What I would wish for women everywhere is this…Be with a man that will want to please you, don’t be afraid to “play” in the bedroom, ask for what you want, show him if you can’t find the words to tell him, get some toys…they can be tons of fun, and last don’t be embarrassed. Sex should be fun and exciting and afterwards you should feel totally relaxed, calm, serene, and satisfied.