My Fifty Shades of Something…

So I just finished reading the third book in the 50 Shades of Grey series. This is not normally the type of book I would read…I’m more of a Stephen King kind of girl, but I thought, what the hay. I had been feeling kinda blah about my labido, it’s just not up to par lately, so I thought maybe if these books were all they are said to be it could jolt my sex drive back into hyper gear. I really miss my “gotta have it all the time” attitude. What I gained from these books is not at all what I expected…it was way more than that.

So I read the first book and expect to have all kinds of things coming alive “down there” and I didn’t…nothing. No urges, no excitement. I did enjoy the story however, so I decided to go on to the second book. Still not much happening there. I liked where the second book left off and quickly headed on to the third book. I finished it last night. What I gained from reading these books are two insights into life and love. First, I realized that my own husband, my JR is in his own way 50 kinds of fucked up, also from his childhood. Ok, well maybe not quite 50, let’s say 15. Second, there must be a lot of women out there who are not in touch with their own sexuality, have a boring sex life, or are just doing it all wrong, if they got all hot and bothered by these books.

Let’s talk about the first thing, my own 15 shades of grey. What I gathered from this story is a man, a good man, who is deeply troubled, he is flawed. His flaws are part of what make Ana love him. She falls head over heals in love before she even realizes it. That love is deep and strong almost from the very beginning. This is the type of love I share with JR. I know about his flaws, I know his insecurities, as he does me. We challenge each other daily. I know that I could never leave him. I know that I would do anything for him. I know that he also shares all of these same feelings for me. His affair is just one of the 15 shades. It wasn’t done out of malice or hate, or spite. It was done because he was lost and I was not aware. He was scared to talk to me, and this comes from his childhood. He doesn’t communicate well with his parents or siblings. They have spent a lot of time over the years fighting and arguing with one another. They all think they should be the center of the universe or something. This came from his mother, she is very self-centered. They didn’t receive praise growing up, and now they just receive pity. They all seem to crave drama. JR is not quite as bad as his siblings with this one, I think that I have helped him with this one.

I know that I have a fucked up man, but he’s my fucked up man. To this day, when I don’t let my own emotions get in the way of rational thoughts, I have never felt unloved by him. He would give me anything I wanted that was in his power to give. He loves me just as unconditionally as I love him. We are a perfect match and I know that I will spend the rest of my life with him. We are meant to be together. I can honestly say that I do not fear JR having another affair. The thought actually sickens him now. He has changed all of his behaviors with women. He talks to me more now, even about the hard stuff. We have both learned a great deal about ourselves and each other because of his affair. I will not make those mistakes again in my marriage, and I know neither will he. I hope that one day soon he can forgive himself and this weight will lift from his heart. I will continue to love and support him until he gets there.

Now let’s talk about the second thing. I must say that I feel sorry for all of the women who just went nuts over these books because of the sex. I want to get excited about my own sex life and I do. So JR and I haven’t done all of the dirty deeds in 50 shades of grey, but we have done many of them and some that aren’t in the book. I am proud to say that after 25 years we still drive each other nuts and come up with new and exciting things to try in bed…and out! JR has always been an exceptional lover, he is very eager to please and attentive to my needs. We have toys, oils, videos, blind folds…etc. We don’t use them all the time sometimes we prefer vanilla sex too, but other times I want rockyroad with whipped cream, nuts and a cherry on top. It’s like this past week, Sunday night I got an itch for toys. That night I pulled out the toy box and we “played” for a bit. Then on Tuesday we came home from working all day and ended up in his office on the floor. We both laughed about how exhausted we were after. It was quick but super heated. It was good. Later that night while in the shower JR shampooed my hair and washed me. I thought, “hhmm…he doesn’t need to read a book to know how to treat me.”Then I remembered while we were in Florida what he did the night we got there. As we climbed in bed,  I laid down and he moved to the end and grabbed my foot and started kissing it, then sucking on my toes, which I love. I asked him…”did you read part of my book”, he looked at me puzzled and said,”no, why?” So there you have it, my 15 shades and all of his glory. The man knows how to please me and I him. We don’t mind telling the other what we like, what we want to try. We are perfectly comfortable with each other in the bedroom (minus all of the affair crap, but that is subsiding).

It’s funny because I talk with my grown daughters about their sexuality and love life. I never wanted either of them to wait until marriage, or marry the first boy they slept with. That would be like only trying one flavor of icecream your whole life. Forgive me for saying but, I also didn’t want them stuck with a man with a small penis, and how would they know what to compare that to if they only had one. I want them to have great sex, safe of course, but great! I want them to have their needs, wants, and desires met in the bedroom. I honestly believe that most of the miserable women I know are miserable because they are sexually unsatisfied. Our joke around the house is…Don’t snoop through my pictures or dig in my dresser drawers unless you want to be ruined for life, because your Mom and Dad like to fly their freak flag on occasion!

What I would wish for women everywhere is this…Be with a man that will want to please you, don’t be afraid to “play” in the bedroom, ask for what you want, show him if you can’t find the words to tell him, get some toys…they can be tons of fun, and last don’t be embarrassed. Sex should be fun and exciting and afterwards you should feel totally relaxed, calm, serene, and satisfied.

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9 Responses to My Fifty Shades of Something…

  1. Still Loving Him says:

    Awesome post!!! Love it!!!

    I’m so happy for your move, how exciting!

    I read 50 shades too, it gave me a little bost at the time, but I agree it was not all that. I had read “the sleeping beauty” trilogy by Ann Rice a few years before and it makes 50 shades look like child’s play.

    My H has a foot fetish, I need to write about it. I got tickled when you said JR sucked on your toes. My H and I have pics of him sucking on my toes! Lol… He’ll even do it if we are sitting opposite of each other on the sofa, even in front if the kids which creeps them out. Lol! We have some other fetish’s too… I love anal and toys and being spammed and I even like to pee on him.. The list could go on and on.

    When I read about your sex life and I know what my own sex life was like, I think what in the fuck was wrong with these men? I don’t know many people who were having the kind of sex my H and I were. Bastards!!!

    I’m actually laying in bed with my daughter right now playing with our 8 cats. We are also very close. She is 21 and there is nothing I would not discuss with her. Yeah for daughters!!!

    It sounds like your going to have a fabulous day!!! I have to crawl out of bed and go to work, we have a deadline if May 1st for the house we are renovating right now. I’m painting doors today… I’m looking forward to massages tomorrow.

  2. kayboo24 says:

    There’s nothing like kinky fuckery is there? LOL I don’t think it mattered what kind of sex JR was having with me because he truly didn’t have the affair because of the sex. He told me without knowing he had told me that sex was always better with me…even during the affair. I am still grateful for that confession he made without being aware he made means that it was absolutely true. He was with her because she stroked his ego, she made him feel wanted, she made him feel young, she knew nothing of his shortcomings, she was naive. She gave him all of her attention. He wanted that attention, I don’t think he really wanted the sex. That wasn’t his intention. It’s what she expected after being friendly with him, it was that next step. It really pisses me off that that whore got to enjoy my man. He couldn’t be a bad lover even if he tried. However he has said and I believe him, that she was inexperienced, it was very vanilla. Ha, she has no idea what she missed out on…whore. It really isn’t just about sucking a dick and letting them fuck you the plain ways, on top, from behind, you on top….BORING! I swear we have done it in 100 different positions and we still manage to surprise ourselves and find new ways. It’s usually by mistake and I will be like, oh wait, hold that…that feels good, lol. I love it when this happens and he looks at me and says, “Even after 25 years we can be like this.”

    So Sleeping Beauty will get me fired up huh? Might have to give that one a whirl then. I need some inspiration…I want to do naughty things with my husband and we will have lots of new rooms to christen when we move.

    • Still Loving Him says:

      My H did not start out cheating for the sex, he followed his stupid fucking business partner into strip clubs and then a whore house and then the slut from work started pursuing him, he was already an alcholic and drug addict, sex became another addiction and a way to fit in with the degenerates he worked with.

      In the NA meetings I go to with him I was very happy to hear that just about all the guys have issues with sex and infidelity. It seems to go hand in hand with other addictions and in the NA step working guide there is a whole section about sex issues.

      My H also said sex with the main AP was very vanilla and they never did doggy style. He fucked her twice standing up, once in a airport bathroom and the only and only time she asked him to fuck her in the ass. Other than that it was her sucking him off, him on top her on top and just getting it over with. He said it was just a means for him to not have to jack off. Whatever it’s fucking sick either way. He was my fucking husband, he was not supposed to be available for whore use.

      He said that sex with me far, far exceeds any experiences he’s had with anyone else. It damn well better be the best with me, I work my ass off to make sex fun and enjoyable.

      • This is a great post… Gosh, why is it that we are all very kinky women in the bedroom with our men but they all still cheated? And they ALL say that it was vanilla sex with their AP. My husband’s exact words were: “The sex was mediocre at best.” He also said that sex with me during the affair was better and more pleasurable than her–yet, during the affair, our kinky side was put on a hiatus. My husband did try to tie up his AP once (her wrists–once again, to me this is vanilla bondage) and he said he knew she didn’t enjoy it and that he felt very strange and unsexual about the whole thing. Yet, I am the only person he’s ever done ANY of this with… Idk.

        Kayboo, I feel like what you wrote above about why your husband was with his AP could have been my husband too. My husband said the other day that he had sex with his AP to passify her. He like his ego being stroked (even if he also says her compliments never were sincere–so the feeling didn’t last). And yes, I know that his AP expected sex as the next step because I read the emails and she practically required it if he wanted to be her friend. It’s amazing that these women require sex–yet, they aren’t even good at it or open to trying some fun, kinky fuckery.

      • Still Loving Him says:

        Can you imagine how we would feel if our husbands told us the sex was great? My H did tell me that the one time sex he had with his business partners wife was good, but he passed out before he finished, he was wasted. He also told me he the sex he had with a one night stand he picked up in Ft. Lauderdale was good, but vanilla. I guess that means he had chemistry with them???

        He’s said sex with the main AP was very vanilla, not good and the only thing it offered was convenience because of her availability.

        Either way I’d be devastated if he said sex with other women was better. He’s maintained that sex with anyone else pales in comparison to what we have and do.

      • I wrote an enire response and then accidently deleted it before posting. But here was the gist of it:
        My husband says his AP was ok in bed but was very repressed and it made him hold back. He said he’s never been so free with anyone in bed but me. I was angry about him going down on her but he said it wasn’t the same as me–that she didn’t seem to enjoy it and he didn’t like her taste. He says he couldn’t even touch her head or hair when she went down on him because he just didn’t feel like it was ok.
        He also told me that she never wore anything but cotton brief panties–never a thong, or lace, or sheer. Nothing sexy. Which I can believe because the woman dresses like she’s a 50 year old in formal dresses every day of her life. I don’t know where she shops but she’s only a few months older than me and she looks about 42–whereas I look about 30. I also think it’s funny that she doesn’t do any landscaping down there. It’s funny to me that she was the mistress and she didn’t even know how to be sexy or appealing?! What’s the point of fucking my husband than? Ughh….
        I guess it’s self-satisfying to know that I am the best he’s ever had and there is no comparison. But sometimes I think–why did you keep going back if the sex was so lame? I am starting to explore if he has a sexual addiction problem. It just doesn’t seem like I can find evidence of it anywhere else in his life though. But the way he treated her was the way an alcoholic treats alcohol–they know it’s bad, it’s a brief high that leaves them feeling worse, they know it’s just masking the pain but yet they continue…. Idk, what do you think?

      • Still Loving Him says:

        What I think is that no husband that wants to save his marriage would ever tell his wife that sex with the AP was great or …gasp better than it is with her.

        I think that illicit sex in and of itself is exciting and doubly exciting for an addict, until the act is over and the shame sets in. The problem is once the shame subsides they want that high again.

        It probably doesn’t matter if the sex was good or bad, or if she was groomed or not or even if she was pretty. I had met my husbands main AP and I was far more attractive than she is, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was her availability. If she wasn’t available he paid a whore or went to a strip club, why? Because he could get away with it.

        It think it doesn’t matter if the sex was good with the AP, when I asked my husband if he wanted to be with her he said, God no I would never want to be with a person like her, I’m not attracted to her and she cheats on her husband. Do you see the irony in that? It’s insanity.

        They love what they have at home. I more than any whore or mistress knew my husbands wants and likes. I knew what words he wanted to hear, how he likes to be touched, that he needs to be babied. It didn’t matter if the other women could meet those needs because at the end of the day the affair, his infidelities they had little to do with the person he was doing them with. It was about what was broken in him as a man and on a more primal level a mans insatiable need to spread their seed as far and as wide as they can. In marriage we hope they can keep their promise of fidelity, but if you show me a man who says he’s never thought about cheating on his wife I’d tell you he was a liar.

        I think that if a man is broken (you can be broken in a million different ways) and he has the opportunity to cheat he will. It’s a way to numb the pain.

  3. Ladies, I happen to know a bunch of erotica writers. 50 SoG is a joke. It was twilight fan fic that the author changed the names after publishing on message boards to get a book deal.

    That said, I hated those books. All I saw was a ridiculous controlling and unhealthy relationship. No equals. And that contract? Are you kidding me?


  4. Waikikipepper says:

    Your last two paragraphs were absolute genius. Great post! Thanks for making me smile.

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